Eight Charged with Pimping Out Berlusconi's Bunga Bunga Parties

Eight people have been charged in Italy for allegedly supplying tangerine sex machine PM Silvio Berlusconi and his associates with prostitutes for his legendary "bunga bunga" parties. Berlusconi has not been charged in this case. [BBC] » 9/16/11 8:20am 9/16/11 8:20am

Pair Honor Dead Friend by Stealing His ATM Card

The night of August 27th must have been bittersweet for Robert Jeffrey Young and Mark Rubinson, of Denver, Colorado. It started around 11pm, when Young stopped in to see his old friend Jeffrey Jarrett, who was going to let Young couch surf at his place for a while. But Jarrett was dead when Young arrived. » 9/16/11 7:30am 9/16/11 7:30am

This Guy Stuffed Almost a Kilo of Cocaine Down His Throat

Just imagine you're a 20-year-old guy wrapping up a Brazilian vacation, and you've got managed to fit close to a kilo of cocaine down your throat before heading to the airport. Oh, the raging parties you'll throw! And the money! And the ladies. But then you're kindly asked at the airport to submit to a medical scan.… » 9/16/11 6:00am 9/16/11 6:00am

Missing Cat Found After Five-Year, 1,800-Mile Journey

Willow the cat (pictured) was picked up on East 20th Street yesterday, and her microchip led Animal Control to her owners in Colorado — five years after she went missing. Willow's owners "still have her little Christmas stocking." [AP] » 9/15/11 8:10am 9/15/11 8:10am

Pat Robertson Says Alzheimer's Is Grounds for Divorce

Today in Some Crazy Person Asked Pat Robertson for Advice, we learn that the firebrand cleric doesn't merely dislike Alzheimer's — "I hate Alzheimer's," he says — but he thinks it's totally cool for you to divorce your spouse over it. A man wrote to Pat seeking advice for his friend, whose wife has Alzheimer's and… » 9/15/11 6:57am 9/15/11 6:57am

West Coast Heroin Now Comes With Free Botulism

Bad news for West Coast junkies (is there really any other kind of news for junkies?): Two cases of suspected botulism in Seattle have been blamed on tainted black tar heroin, in addition to four recently in Texas, according to the Los Angeles Times. It's especially bad because the only real way to find out your stash… » 9/15/11 5:37am 9/15/11 5:37am

Famous Penguin Ditches Surveillance, Goes Rogue

Remember that emperor penguin that somehow turned up on the shores of New Zealand after getting lost off the coast of Antarctica? Besides giving it the least original name of all time (Happy Feet? Seriously?), conservasionists set the penguin free on September 4, and were monitoring its progress with a satellite… » 9/13/11 8:25am 9/13/11 8:25am

Anti-American Cowboys Fan Arrested for 9/11 Taser Attack

Leroy McKelvey, a 59-year-old Dallas Cowboys fan, went with three friends to see his team face off against the New York Jets on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Naturally, emotions were running high. But before the game even started, trouble was afoot in upper-deck Section 324 of MetLife stadium: » 9/13/11 7:20am 9/13/11 7:20am

Iran to Free Jailed Americans 'In Two Days'

Iranian short person Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told Ann Curry today that Americans Shane Bauer and Josh Fattal will be set free "in two days," after spending over two years in jail for illegally crossing into Iran and for "spying." [NBC] » 9/13/11 6:01am 9/13/11 6:01am

More Rape Questioning for Dominique Strauss-Kahn

World-class "rutting chimpanzee" and ex-IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn was questioned by French police today over rape allegations involving journalist Tristane Banon in 2003. Apparently DSK asked to be interviewed as a "witness." [Guardian] » 9/12/11 8:15am 9/12/11 8:15am

Politicians Still Won't Let Us Eat Frankenfish

Just last year it seemed almost inevitable that genetically engineered Frankenfish would soon be readily available to American consumers. But some lawmakers, like Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski, are a little creeped out by the idea and are holding up FDA approval. Murkowski told the AP that the idea of eating Frankenfish… » 9/12/11 7:31am 9/12/11 7:31am

Russian Hockey Player Who Survived Plane Crash Dies

The only member of Russia's Lokomotiv Yaroslavl hockey team to survive a plane crash that killed 44 people, 26-year-old Alexander Galimov, died of severe burns in a Moscow hospital today. A member of the flight crew is the last survivor. » 9/12/11 6:26am 9/12/11 6:26am

New York Post Disturbed By Lack of 9/11 Coverage On TV

If you had to think of one thing that stood out on the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, you would probably say there was a lack of television tributes, right? Funny, because that's how the New York Post sees it, too. Fact-based reporting from the paper: » 9/12/11 5:00am 9/12/11 5:00am

Study: Spongebob Squarepants Is Ruining Your Kid's Life

Gay, anti-Christian, global warming-peddling cartoon Spongebob Squarepants is under attack from old people again, and this time it's from scientists. In the newest edition of Pediatrics, researchers from the University of Virginia found that sticking the kids in front of Spongebob Squarepants so you don't have to… » 9/12/11 3:37am 9/12/11 3:37am

Qaddafi's 'Playboy' Son Flees to Niger

Saadi Qaddafi, perhaps the least repulsive of Muammar Qaddafi's repulsive spawn, has turned up in Niger as transitional forces fight remaining Qaddafi loyalists. Despite being "cornered" about a half dozen different times, the Colonel remains at large. » 9/12/11 2:00am 9/12/11 2:00am

One Worker's Mistake Caused Southwest Blackout

The massive power blackout that caused some 5 million people in Arizona, California and Mexico to lose electricity was apparently triggered by one person in Arizona. An Arizona Public Service Company worker "remov[ed] a piece of monitoring equipment," which set off a chain reaction across the region, according to the… » 9/09/11 7:51am 9/09/11 7:51am

Watch Out for NASA's Giant Rogue Satellite

Pieces of NASA's six ton, out of control Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite will soon smash into the earth, according to a somewhat unconcerned NASA. The space agency in statement said that the risk of people being crushed by falling debris is "extremely small," and the Telegraph spoke with a scientist who said… » 9/09/11 6:26am 9/09/11 6:26am

Lacoste Doesn't Appreciate Norwegian Terrorist's Free Advertising

Norwegian terrorist Anders Behring Breivik — a big fan of wetsuits, hazmat suits and Lacoste sweaters — has enraged iconic French fashion brand Lacoste by mentioning the company in his manifesto and wearing it repeatedly outside of jail. In fact, the unwanted attention is getting so bad that the company has written to… » 9/08/11 8:23am 9/08/11 8:23am

Allen West Is Worried That You'll Forget About 9/11

Noted Islamophobe Allen West must not own a television or a computer. Yesterday, West was stirring up one of 2010's dumbest controversies at an anti-Ground Zero Mosque meet-and-greet in DC, where he remarked, "We must never let events like Pearl Harbor or 9/11 go away. We must never forget the things that happened… » 9/08/11 6:47am 9/08/11 6:47am

Qaddafi to Enemies: You're All 'Scumbags'

Resilient crazy person Muammar Qaddafi — despite claims from Libya's transitional forces and just about everyone else that he's cornered in the Sahara, or in hiding in Niger, or sipping cocktails with Robert Mugabe — released a new audio message today to Al-Rai TV and (predictably) it's delusional: » 9/08/11 5:04am 9/08/11 5:04am